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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Onward to Chile: Excited Yet Nervous

So I'm sitting at my bestie Natalie's house in SF, I take off to Chile at 1 pm tomorrow, reflecting back on the last 3 weeks I just spent home in Cali and I have to say that they were pretty much some of the best weeks of my life. They were a fabulous finish to a summer that literal rocked socks and also taught me the true meaning of Grace. As some of you already know I've have (and sometimes still do) struggled with how undeserving I feel of the blessings God has poured out on me. I admit I put way to much on my plate this year and while things have all managed to work out (sometimes barely and only by the grace of God, plus I HAVE AN AWESOME MOM), I know that this year probably could have been done a bit differently....  but it has definitely taught me some tough lessons I'll now be able to take forward into the rest of my life.

I feel like I'm ready to take off to Chile yet I don't... If that makes sense. I'm still processing Kenya (and missing the girl's that made it so freaking amazing more and more each day, you know who you are) and I was so caught up in enjoying being fully immersed in the wonderful thing that is my home that I can admit that I'm a little worried that I haven't brushed up on my spanish or read about Chile as much as I should have. I'm really going into this completely on my own (well God's coming too) and totally green which after the ever changing thing that was my summer I'm actually pretty okay with..... I'm sure i'll be getting my butt kicked in Spanish (and loving ever second of it), learning about the culture, and meeting tons of new great people soon enough.... right? I like not fully being prepared.... haha.... makes it more of a surprise?

So I guess I haven't really shared much about the end of my internship in Kenya. Let me just say that it ended up being so much greater than I could have ever imaged. God just kept blessing me and knowing what I was about to realize/where I needed to be before I realized/knew where I need to be. This internship had a very important purpose in my life, and in my walk with God, and that was to help me build confidence in the One that is perfect, never changing, outside of time, etc. Yet at the same time, the only way you can have true confidence in God and in the abilities he has blessed you with is if you foster humility in your life. THAT was a good lesson. I'm not sure this is making any sense so I suppose maybe a timeline of my journey/ thought process throughout the summer if would make more sense?

I am broken = I have to suck up my pride, humble myself before God, and admit I messed up = I am SO UNDESERVING because God continued to pour out His blessings on me = I start some unhealthy bashing because I'm SO UNDESERVING = I, instead of continuing on my walk toward condemnation, channel that realization into Joy in the fact that God poured out his Grace on me = I now wonder what the heck I should do with all this Joy from all this Grace = I realize that is why we are called to serve = I think "I NEED TO SERVE" = Then I realize "Oh, wait I'm in Kenya..... I am serving." = I then realize God was ahead of me the whole time laying the groundwork, putting me where I needed to be before I even realized why I needed to be there = I understood why I was in Kenya.


Wow, so all this reflecting back has made me even more exhausted than I already was. Staying up until 4 am last night (I wasn't even packing.... just squeezing every last second out of the time I had with the people I love), driving down to SF, and doing some last minute shopping (which always makes me tired) with Nat has made me fully aware, yet again, how grateful I am for sleep. Sleep is also super humbling too, if you think about it.

So this is me in the coming week

Tuesday: Fly out of SFO at 1pm
Wed morning: Take group shuttle to Orientation hotel.
Wed-?: Orientation
Thurs: Move in to my home stay and meet my host family
Friday: Tour of Santiago
Monday: Courses Begin!!!!

Ok I should really go to bed, there was more I wanted to talk about.... like all the awesome stuff I did while I was home and all the people I will miss but I think you all know who you are. Please know that I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH and that I will MISS YOU.

Also, for those of you wondering where Kenya pics are..... I just, after 2 weeks of cleaning up and going through all the stuff on my comp, made room to final upload them.... I'm still editing and such plus didn't have internet at my house. Along with that, most of my picture files from the trip are too big to place on fb so that leaves me having to find I different place to put them so you all can see them. Phew, I really can't wait to share them all with you guys!!!! It is worth all the steps to do so I promise.  

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